Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

"Go running through this world, giving love, giving love" ~Hafiz

"Don't wash a wound with blood." ~ Rumi

Conviction or Condemnation -- can we even tell the difference?



Greetings my fellow posters.

Many faiths/paths subscribe to similar ethics... one set of ethics that pops up often has to do with offering grace, love and mercy while withholding judgment and guarding your anger. Sounds pretty on paper, but it's all to easy to act on impulse and step into the same traps others have fallen into.

I'll admit that when certain groups of people (who claim love and grace for their own kind) attack those who are different, feelings are stirred in my soul and I hear words of condemnation flowing from my own lips ... the very same words (and the very same anger) that were used in the first place! And it's interesting to note that all sides of the equation seem to feel justified; in their hearts they seem to believe that they are acting out of 'conviction' ... instead of 'condemnation' It's like trying to wash a wound with blood, and at the root of all this is 'anger' (and his twin sister 'fear')

So I ask, how do you cope with Anger?
Do you avoid it, attempt to control it or take it for a ride?
How do you avoid the *but that's not fair* trap?


"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."
~ Aristotle

What say you?

Peace.

I find striking things to be rather cathartic...

LOL yes, but a house full of broken objects only causes one to go out and buy more things (ref: to post on 'material stuff')

I will admit, I do show all of my feelings. I can be very quick to anger given the right circumstances.

My constant is: I will not sit idly by & watch people bully others. To me it is barbaric. I say what is on my mind & leave it at that.
Other times, I practice patience, & let things roll off my back if I can't control the issue or outcome. However I'm related to elephants and like elephants I NEVER forget!

Back when I was younger, I have seen my true anger & it scared people that I loved. Knowing that, I felt justified, & empowered, but at the same time I took control of it, reeled it back in & walked away. Afterward, I cried, for I almost sunk to their level, & I vowed that the person would never get the best of me ever again.

To make a show, or to get my point across to the unknowing, or the unwilling to know...I have throw things, (clothes) to break things (glass ware). People for some strange reason take notice of those things. Its a wake up call to the ill informed.

Avoiding the "Thats not fair" trap? I don't know what you mean by that, for life itself is not always fair. My favorite terminology? "Thats Life in the Big City."

Sakhaiva wrote:LOL yes, but a house full of broken objects only causes one to go out and buy more things (ref: to post on 'material stuff')

Cardboard is an excellent substitute for objects of value. I like my stuff too much to break it.

Anger is an interesting subject. When young, I was taught to suppress mine, ie. I wasn't allowed to be angry, something that leads, I think, to being intimidated and afraid of confrontation, as many women are. Perhaps men too. The message is that anger is bad and good girls aren't angry. Anger is something to fear.

Anger is just another emotion and in my opinion all of our emotions can be destructive to ourselves and other people if not managed. It is nothing to fear, but like with all emotions the goal (IMO) is to be the master of it, rather than to let it master you. I think anger is a good clean emotion that gives us the courage to draw boundaries and enforce them. I think it is important to feel the anger, think past it and use it to energize you to change either yourself or situation. Sometimes, when you can do nothing, you have to let it go.

I have had a lot of experience with angry people in the last years. Some just want to vent. If you sort of visualize that you have a invisible barrier around yourself and that nothing they say or do can hurt you, then it is possible to let them scream and rant and threaten without reacting/responding, they wind down and then that's that. Sometimes it's time to call the police. Screaming back at them just escalates the problem. I've learned that the person who stays in control wins.

But really I can't stand people being mean to the people I love and then I have the tendency to act very impulsively. It is easier to deal with when it is directed at me.

Gorm_Sionnach wrote:

Sakhaiva wrote:LOL yes, but a house full of broken objects only causes one to go out and buy more things (ref: to post on 'material stuff')

Cardboard is an excellent substitute for objects of value. I like my stuff too much to break it.

When I worked in a bookstore, I found that an empty shipping box with the flaps woven (you know, like you do when you don't want to tape the box shut) that I could kick until I worked off the anger worked beautifully. You do, of course, need to make sure you've plenty of space for the box to fly around without damaging anything of value.

Doesn't damage your foot and makes a really satisfying "THWOK!" when you kick it resoundingly.

Anger is a tool like any other. I use it when appropriate, but in order to use it well, you have to learn first what it can and cannot do, and understand where it will help and where it will not.

If someone is treating you poorly, you become angered, this empowers you to stand up and defend yourself. You see something happening before you that is abhorrent, and anger demands you do something to stop it. These are constructive uses of anger so long as you learn to channel that power towards an end of your choosing, and a means that matches the need.

Justice is born of anger, the voice that sees harm being done and demands that something be done about it. Anger dropped the first caveman down from the tree with a rock because he just wouldn't let that lion eat one of his own without a fight.

Mercy is the other side of anger, where anger demands that you use your power to right an imbalance, mercy tells you when you have gone too far, and demands you stop. When you give equal heed to anger and mercy, you will achieve balance, you will have found justice. Laws attempt to codify this, to define where self defense ends and assault begins, to define where restitution ends and theft begins.

Anger is the voice demanding you draw your sword, mercy the voice that demands you sheath it. Your rational mind must learn to judge the facts before you, and understand which voice best suits the needs of the day, and be prepared to act on it.

Anger can be a useful tool if channeled properly. I have various activities, martial arts, target practice, exercise, etc, which allow me to vent the anger in a controllable fashion.

all

How much of how one handles anger is learned from parents or other role models, do you think? Do you see that reflected in your (the generic you) life?

Interesting question Gilly, I don't know. I grew up in a very dysfunctional house hold. As a child I have a short temper. Now I almost never get angry. I think I am tired.

Obviously there are things, but It is usually some injustice or cruelty toward animals or children, and that is not a wild uncontrollable angry, although if I got hold of someone causing harm to the helpless I would be inclined to do them a bit of harm, I will admit.

But I am fortunate, I do not lose my temper anymore, it is never lost, it is hard to anger me and when I do become angry it is always controlled. I suppose that could make me dangerous, but being a none violent sort I perfer to discuss then cause physical disturbance.

I do become frustrated though. again not to cause harm, but gee wiz sometimes people need to be woken up

Quite a bit probably. I like to think I've improved on it, but....

Excellent question Sakhaiva, and I love the responses.

I agree that anger exists for a reason and can be a very valuable tool.

Like many, I'm still learning to master mine (i.e. not waiting to blow up, but handle the issue before it gets out of hand).

Bearing in mind the ideas of Karma, The Three-fold Law, Reaping What You Sow, etc., I guess the preferred course of action is to use the anger as a motivator to act and not the director of action.

Let the anger alert one to the need for action, but let reason and compassion determine the course of action.

Truth be told, though it looks good on paper, the unfortunate soul that breaks into my house in the middle of the night probably isn't going to get met with reason and compassion.

I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.

John T Mainer wrote:I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.

That sounds reasonable to me....