Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

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Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Sakhaiva on Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:52 pm

"Go running through this world, giving love, giving love" ~Hafiz

"Don't wash a wound with blood." ~ Rumi

Conviction or Condemnation -- can we even tell the difference?



Greetings my fellow posters.

Many faiths/paths subscribe to similar ethics... one set of ethics that pops up often has to do with offering grace, love and mercy while withholding judgment and guarding your anger. Sounds pretty on paper, but it's all to easy to act on impulse and step into the same traps others have fallen into.

I'll admit that when certain groups of people (who claim love and grace for their own kind) attack those who are different, feelings are stirred in my soul and I hear words of condemnation flowing from my own lips ... the very same words (and the very same anger) that were used in the first place! And it's interesting to note that all sides of the equation seem to feel justified; in their hearts they seem to believe that they are acting out of 'conviction' ... instead of 'condemnation' It's like trying to wash a wound with blood, and at the root of all this is 'anger' (and his twin sister 'fear')

So I ask, how do you cope with Anger?
Do you avoid it, attempt to control it or take it for a ride?
How do you avoid the *but that's not fair* trap?


"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."
~ Aristotle

What say you?

Peace.
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Gorm_Sionnach on Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:25 pm

I find striking things to be rather cathartic...Smile

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Sakhaiva on Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:18 pm

LOL yes, but a house full of broken objects only causes one to go out and buy more things (ref: to post on 'material stuff')

Very Happy
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Willowcreek70633 on Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:36 am

I will admit, I do show all of my feelings. I can be very quick to anger given the right circumstances.

My constant is: I will not sit idly by & watch people bully others. To me it is barbaric. I say what is on my mind & leave it at that.
Other times, I practice patience, & let things roll off my back if I can't control the issue or outcome. However I'm related to elephants and like elephants I NEVER forget!

Back when I was younger, I have seen my true anger & it scared people that I loved. Knowing that, I felt justified, & empowered, but at the same time I took control of it, reeled it back in & walked away. Afterward, I cried, for I almost sunk to their level, & I vowed that the person would never get the best of me ever again.

To make a show, or to get my point across to the unknowing, or the unwilling to know...I have throw things, (clothes) to break things (glass ware). People for some strange reason take notice of those things. Its a wake up call to the ill informed.

Avoiding the "Thats not fair" trap? I don't know what you mean by that, for life itself is not always fair. My favorite terminology? "Thats Life in the Big City."
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Gorm_Sionnach on Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:39 am

Sakhaiva wrote:LOL yes, but a house full of broken objects only causes one to go out and buy more things (ref: to post on 'material stuff')

Very Happy

Cardboard is an excellent substitute for objects of value. I like my stuff too much to break it.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by gillyflower on Sat Jul 25, 2009 8:07 am

Anger is an interesting subject. When young, I was taught to suppress mine, ie. I wasn't allowed to be angry, something that leads, I think, to being intimidated and afraid of confrontation, as many women are. Perhaps men too. The message is that anger is bad and good girls aren't angry. Anger is something to fear.

Anger is just another emotion and in my opinion all of our emotions can be destructive to ourselves and other people if not managed. It is nothing to fear, but like with all emotions the goal (IMO) is to be the master of it, rather than to let it master you. I think anger is a good clean emotion that gives us the courage to draw boundaries and enforce them. I think it is important to feel the anger, think past it and use it to energize you to change either yourself or situation. Sometimes, when you can do nothing, you have to let it go.

I have had a lot of experience with angry people in the last years. Some just want to vent. If you sort of visualize that you have a invisible barrier around yourself and that nothing they say or do can hurt you, then it is possible to let them scream and rant and threaten without reacting/responding, they wind down and then that's that. Sometimes it's time to call the police. Screaming back at them just escalates the problem. I've learned that the person who stays in control wins.

But really I can't stand people being mean to the people I love and then I have the tendency to act very impulsively. It is easier to deal with when it is directed at me.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by DotNotInOz on Sat Jul 25, 2009 8:40 am

Gorm_Sionnach wrote:
Sakhaiva wrote:LOL yes, but a house full of broken objects only causes one to go out and buy more things (ref: to post on 'material stuff')

Very Happy

Cardboard is an excellent substitute for objects of value. I like my stuff too much to break it.

When I worked in a bookstore, I found that an empty shipping box with the flaps woven (you know, like you do when you don't want to tape the box shut) that I could kick until I worked off the anger worked beautifully. You do, of course, need to make sure you've plenty of space for the box to fly around without damaging anything of value.

Doesn't damage your foot and makes a really satisfying "THWOK!" when you kick it resoundingly.
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by John T Mainer on Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:20 am

Anger is a tool like any other. I use it when appropriate, but in order to use it well, you have to learn first what it can and cannot do, and understand where it will help and where it will not.

If someone is treating you poorly, you become angered, this empowers you to stand up and defend yourself. You see something happening before you that is abhorrent, and anger demands you do something to stop it. These are constructive uses of anger so long as you learn to channel that power towards an end of your choosing, and a means that matches the need.

Justice is born of anger, the voice that sees harm being done and demands that something be done about it. Anger dropped the first caveman down from the tree with a rock because he just wouldn't let that lion eat one of his own without a fight.

Mercy is the other side of anger, where anger demands that you use your power to right an imbalance, mercy tells you when you have gone too far, and demands you stop. When you give equal heed to anger and mercy, you will achieve balance, you will have found justice. Laws attempt to codify this, to define where self defense ends and assault begins, to define where restitution ends and theft begins.

Anger is the voice demanding you draw your sword, mercy the voice that demands you sheath it. Your rational mind must learn to judge the facts before you, and understand which voice best suits the needs of the day, and be prepared to act on it.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:26 am

Anger can be a useful tool if channeled properly. I have various activities, martial arts, target practice, exercise, etc, which allow me to vent the anger in a controllable fashion.

all
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by gillyflower on Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:37 pm

How much of how one handles anger is learned from parents or other role models, do you think? Do you see that reflected in your (the generic you) life?

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by MaineCaptain on Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:56 pm

Interesting question Gilly, I don't know. I grew up in a very dysfunctional house hold. As a child I have a short temper. Now I almost never get angry. I think I am tired.

Obviously there are things, but It is usually some injustice or cruelty toward animals or children, and that is not a wild uncontrollable angry, although if I got hold of someone causing harm to the helpless I would be inclined to do them a bit of harm, I will admit.

But I am fortunate, I do not lose my temper anymore, it is never lost, it is hard to anger me and when I do become angry it is always controlled. I suppose that could make me dangerous, but being a none violent sort I perfer to discuss then cause physical disturbance.

I do become frustrated though. again not to cause harm, but gee wiz sometimes people need to be woken up Razz Twisted Evil

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:57 pm

Quite a bit probably. I like to think I've improved on it, but....
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by samhain_autumnwood on Sat Jul 25, 2009 5:48 pm

Excellent question Sakhaiva, and I love the responses.

I agree that anger exists for a reason and can be a very valuable tool.

Like many, I'm still learning to master mine (i.e. not waiting to blow up, but handle the issue before it gets out of hand).

Bearing in mind the ideas of Karma, The Three-fold Law, Reaping What You Sow, etc., I guess the preferred course of action is to use the anger as a motivator to act and not the director of action.

Let the anger alert one to the need for action, but let reason and compassion determine the course of action.

Truth be told, though it looks good on paper, the unfortunate soul that breaks into my house in the middle of the night probably isn't going to get met with reason and compassion.
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by John T Mainer on Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:09 pm

I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by samhain_autumnwood on Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:21 pm

John T Mainer wrote:I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.


That sounds reasonable to me.... Blow Up
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Beribee on Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:42 pm

samhain_autumnwood wrote:
John T Mainer wrote:I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.


That sounds reasonable to me.... Blow Up

Makes total sense to me, too!

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Mon Jul 27, 2009 11:51 am

John T Mainer wrote:I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.

Very Happy

I've always said that if someone breaks into my house I will call the police, to clean up the mess.

Instances where I am in a combative situation are really a different kind of story. I call it the difference between cold and hot anger. I've had a few situations where people are attempting to do harm to friends, family, or just people around me, and may whatever gods those people follow be merciful to them, because I sure won't. However, this is what I call cold anger, and while it changes my attitude, it is well controllable.

It is the hot anger that I need to keep an eye on. If I don't take proper daily measures for it, it can build up to a point where it can be uncontrollable. Then I behave like the berserker, fighting anything that comes across my path, friend or foe. I often wonder if I do have berserker blood in me. I'm not implying an ability to shape shift or anything, or an absolute imperviousness to injury, but the stories about it very likely do have their basis in observations as well.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Gorm_Sionnach on Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:38 pm

allthegoodnamesweretaken wrote:
John T Mainer wrote:I'm reasonable. Break into the house of my wife and children and I will let forensic investigators determine why this course of suicide was chosen. Its not like I will hold a grudge, and I will freely let go any anger I may have had once the threat is eliminated.

Very Happy

I've always said that if someone breaks into my house I will call the police, to clean up the mess.

Instances where I am in a combative situation are really a different kind of story. I call it the difference between cold and hot anger. I've had a few situations where people are attempting to do harm to friends, family, or just people around me, and may whatever gods those people follow be merciful to them, because I sure won't. However, this is what I call cold anger, and while it changes my attitude, it is well controllable.

It is the hot anger that I need to keep an eye on. If I don't take proper daily measures for it, it can build up to a point where it can be uncontrollable. Then I behave like the berserker, fighting anything that comes across my path, friend or foe. I often wonder if I do have berserker blood in me. I'm not implying an ability to shape shift or anything, or an absolute imperviousness to injury, but the stories about it very likely do have their basis in observations as well.

all

Just to be on the safe side, avoid any brightly coloured mushrooms...Wink

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Mon Jul 27, 2009 4:27 pm

The spotted ones are the best!
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Sakhaiva on Mon Jul 27, 2009 7:13 pm

I'm enjoying reading all the posts; really great thoughts. I think its important to see that, regardless of our belief system, things like anger and money and such are problems we all must wrestle with.

gillyflower wrote:How much of how one handles anger is learned from parents or other role models, do you think? Do you see that reflected in your (the generic you) life?

Great question. Family System theorists would concur that our habits for coping with anger come from the roles we play/ed in our families; iow, our family systems create our love-anger cycle in ways we are not always aware of. I tend to be a tiny bit passive agressive and try not to confront directly - however things build up and I've found that I can go 'fooooom' like a volcano.... years ago that 'fooooom' was more rage than anger. (I can totally see where this came from given my upbringing.)

I've spent years setting with my anger and getting to the root of it; things often boil down to my own fear and/or my wanting to change someone. (Anger to bring about change seldom works... if it does work, it will not work for very long.)

All, it's interesting you brough up Marital arts. I teach Yoga at an Aikido Dojo... but they do not use anger at all; Aikido is the martial art of peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aicHsMC6rxM

Does your martial art studio use anger? Or is it the other way around; you us the physical activity to get the anger out?

Peace (not foooooom) Hippie
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Mon Jul 27, 2009 7:28 pm

I use the physical activity to get the anger out.

I've been working on Tai Chi mostly right now, but with some work on reconstructing European martial arts too, but not much. I don't really have a studio.


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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by John T Mainer on Mon Jul 27, 2009 8:00 pm

Sakhaiva wrote:I'm enjoying reading all the posts; really great thoughts. I think its important to see that, regardless of our belief system, things like anger and money and such are problems we all must wrestle with.

gillyflower wrote:How much of how one handles anger is learned from parents or other role models, do you think? Do you see that reflected in your (the generic you) life?

Great question. Family System theorists would concur that our habits for coping with anger come from the roles we play/ed in our families; iow, our family systems create our love-anger cycle in ways we are not always aware of. I tend to be a tiny bit passive agressive and try not to confront directly - however things build up and I've found that I can go 'fooooom' like a volcano.... years ago that 'fooooom' was more rage than anger. (I can totally see where this came from given my upbringing.)

I've spent years setting with my anger and getting to the root of it; things often boil down to my own fear and/or my wanting to change someone. (Anger to bring about change seldom works... if it does work, it will not work for very long.)

All, it's interesting you brough up Marital arts. I teach Yoga at an Aikido Dojo... but they do not use anger at all; Aikido is the martial art of peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aicHsMC6rxM

Does your martial art studio use anger? Or is it the other way around; you us the physical activity to get the anger out?

Peace (not foooooom) Hippie

Akido is a typically eastern art, and mirrors their philosophy. My own martial arts training began with Goju Ryu Karate, Jujitsu and Tai-chi that shared this focus. Oddly enough, while the meditations helped me acheive the no-mind state in sparring, when combat came the ice-rage took me, and the skills I learned in meditation helped me to ride its icy power to a level of function I hadn't dreamed of. The army helped me refine this control, as its own training did not ignore fear, and shut out anger, as it embraced fear as the power that feuled the controled fury that marked the highest level of situational awareness and battlefield ability. The same ice-rage takes me when I use my life saving skills, for when blood and death are before me, the rage takes me, and I come fully alive.

When I discovered Asatru in the army, the seidir and galldor they taught allowed me to master the ice-rage the way no eastern meditation could; for it worked with my nature rather than against it. Undirected rage is like an uncontroled fire, a hazard to all. Controled and directed rage is like a laser, able to slice so cleanly it will not even scar, or so deeply the strongest armour could not defend you.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by maya3 on Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:15 am

I can get really, really angry, usually when there are frustrations and I drop things or it's messy and I get irritated.
If I get really mad I go into a room and scream, it helps but I feel embarrassed afterwords.

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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by Sakhaiva on Tue Jul 28, 2009 6:26 pm

Maya, I just had the image if you in a rage, and ALL and JT running away trembling

hee, hee, hee (!!!) Hug2

JT... even with 'controlled rage' do you feel drained after? Energy loss is an insterest to me....

Thanks.
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Re: Living Out Your Philosophy: Anger

Post by John T Mainer on Tue Jul 28, 2009 8:09 pm

Sakhaiva wrote:Maya, I just had the image if you in a rage, and ALL and JT running away trembling

hee, hee, hee (!!!) Hug2

JT... even with 'controlled rage' do you feel drained after? Energy loss is an insterest to me....

Thanks.

Just the opposite, after the ice-rage, my body is stronger, more flexible, better able to deal with fatigue; my mind is ice cold, focused, able to pick out the important data and find the critical patterns within it almost without effort. After the crisis, my body feels the same sort of lose relaxation as after a really good bout of sex, and the mind begins to allow emotions to again colour the thoughts, but the emotions are muted murmers, and the thoughts are still swifter and clearer than normal. For a time afterwards, sometimes lasting as much as a day if the incident was serious enough, I remain at a far higher energy level than before, with the attendant swiftness of recovery that both physical and mental states enjoy.

Rather than simply burning faster what I already have, when I tap the ice rage, I touch some part that is shared with Odin, and for a time can draw on more than my own reserves. To be entirely honest, it is a good thing it took a long journey to be able to reach this level, because in my youth it would have been really hard to resist the draw of this state. In it, there is no doubt, no hesitation, no confusion, and seemingly limitless energy. As I get older, the fact that I can only tap it when lives are really on the line, when blood and suffering is a certainty, makes me a lot less eager to touch it. It is not that the gift is tainted, but if it is one I can only touch when people may be dying, I'd just as soon it didn't get dusted off all that often.

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