visitation rights

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visitation rights

Post by maya3 on Tue May 19, 2009 8:28 am

I knew that this is one of the issues that makes gay marriage so important. Still I somehow didn't think that it could REALLY happen.
This breaks my heart and makes me so angry I don't know what to do with myself.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/19/health/19well.html?_r=1

Maya Blow Up
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Re: visitation rights

Post by MaineCaptain on Tue May 19, 2009 8:55 am

It is stuff like that that makes a passive person like me want to really hurt someone, like break their legs. Blow Up

It is not rights it is hate, It is their hate for gay people that prevents them from doing the right thing. And that is about as evil as something can be. I hope the lawsuit are won by the people filing them, and I hope the hospital that denied these right lose big time.

An "anti gay" state??????? That is like saying and "anti human" state.

or "anti decency" state. Blow Up

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Re: visitation rights

Post by Mintie on Tue May 19, 2009 9:27 am

Angry Grrrr it never cease to amaze me (in the worst way possible), we're in 2009!!!! What will it take for people to see that the heart has no gender???
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Re: visitation rights

Post by maya3 on Tue May 19, 2009 9:35 am

I know...it's so inhuman and so horrible.
Imagine the partner and the three children who has to live the rest of their lives knowing that their mother and partner lied on her hospital bed wondering where they were.

No one should EVER have to live with something like that EVER.
It breaks my heart.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by DotNotInOz on Tue May 19, 2009 9:54 am

The implications of this sort of abuse are more widespread than simply for gay couples.

Consider, for instance, elderly straight couples living together but choosing not to marry for whatever reasons. The partner, too, would be regarded as "not really family" even though the person in crisis might be childless and have no surviving legal relatives.

Then, too, single people estranged from their blood relatives could have people they don't want near them ushered to their bedside while friends who've become surrogate family are prohibited.

This kind of legally sanctioned determination of who is or is not a person's family could have ramifications for anyone in an unconventional family relationship.

The plain fact of the matter is that there needs to be a legal means of designating who an individual considers family and wishes to have involved in any crisis situation. Then, there must be enforceable penalties for failure or refusal to honor that designation. Anyone who has experienced having a "do not resuscitate" order blithely ignored, resulting in more pain and trauma for a loved one, will understand the need for specific penalties.
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Re: visitation rights

Post by MaineCaptain on Tue May 19, 2009 10:07 am

I live in such a situation, I am not married and the people whom I am related to I would NOT want any where near me in a crisis. At least those whom live in the USA. They ruined my life when I lived near them, and I have fled to be rid of them.

I live in semi hiding, so they do not find me, so I would not want them summoned should I be incapacitated.

I have a few friends, I would want to come, but of course we are not legally related, so I too am stuck with these travesties of justice.
This situation is perverse and evil on every level.

I hope, but doubt the children will ever recover from this situation.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by maya3 on Tue May 19, 2009 10:08 am

Dot,
Exactly!

And what if you are all alone in the world, and someone finds you on the street holds your hand and calls an ambulance. What if you ask that person to go with you to the hospital in the ambulance because you feel comforted by that person. That person should also be let in and sit next to the dying person until he/she has passed as far as I'm concerned.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by MaineCaptain on Tue May 19, 2009 10:17 am

Maya I completely agree, If someone wants someone with them, and the person agrees, they should be right there with them. Every minute.

And it should not matter if it is ICU or trauma room. We already know, people do so much better when loved ones are near. Not blood relations, but loved ones, sadly not always the same thing.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by MaineCaptain on Tue May 19, 2009 10:20 am

I have no idea how Maine stands on these issues, I know the fundies are fighting gay marriage.

I do know patients that have someone coming to see them, are treated better by the staff.

What does that mean?????

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Re: visitation rights

Post by itty on Tue May 19, 2009 11:25 am

This a very sad and pretty common situation. The answer is to work to put the legislation in place that allows patients to make the determination as to who is 'family'.

I could be in a very similar situation. My parents are gone. So is my biological brother. My heart brother is NOT my biological brother. My SIL, who is my heart sister, is NOT my biological sister. My nephews and youngest niece are too young to make medical decisions. My youngest niece is NOT my biological niece and she is only three.

I have the requiste paperwork in place for legal and medical powers of attorney. I have a DNR. My hospital is well versed and has, to this point, allowed me to designate my heart brother and heart sister as my legal and medical representatives. My hospital has a very, very liberal visitation policy. Pretty much it is any one goes. Will that change when I become incapcitated with this cancer? I don't know and can only hope for the best.

This is an intolerable situation and it won't stop until the legislation is in place, at the federal level, to allow all people to designate just who is and isn't family. The people who can make that designation needs to be the individual and no one else.
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Re: visitation rights

Post by Gwyddion9 on Tue May 19, 2009 9:15 pm

all the best to her companion and children.
I simply won't express what i'm honestly feeling as i'm sure it will go against the rules here. Blow Up
May her soul find peace and healing as may the family and friends, as well.
I hope she wins the law suite as there are many people who fall under this jurisdiction who aren't even gay but the pain and suffering is just as real.
May victory be gained and granted for all.
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Re: visitation rights

Post by maya3 on Thu May 21, 2009 9:18 am

Itty,

You are right this has to be on a federal level.

You are in my prayers Itty.

Gwydion,

I'm sure it happens to people who aren't gay too.
There was a comment in the New York Times to this article from a 70 year old man. He said he was single, had no siblings or children "only" friends, he said that he hoped they would be able to be by his side when it was his time to go.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by DotNotInOz on Thu May 21, 2009 9:46 pm

[off-topic...sorry about that]
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Re: visitation rights

Post by Gwyddion9 on Fri May 22, 2009 10:34 pm

Maya,

You said: “I'm sure it happens to people who aren't gay too.
There was a comment in the New York Times to this article from a 70 year old
man. He said he was single, had no siblings or children "only"
friends, he said that he hoped they would be able to be by his side when it was
his time to go.”

I have no doubt that it happens all the time but it simply disgusts me.
Regardless of the circumstances, no one should have to die,
when their time comes, alone…ideally.
It simply angers & sickens me, that this even happens at
all. Evil or Very Mad Sad

Ron
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Re: visitation rights

Post by maya3 on Sat May 23, 2009 8:51 am

Ron,
It is absolutely discusting.

I think it happens more to gay people than straight. I have a feeling that a lot of straights do not have to prove that they are married.
And the fact that someone should have to prove something in that circumstance is horrible in itself.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by sacrificialgoddess on Sat May 23, 2009 9:55 am

Interesting thing I want to say here. About ten years ago, my best friend's parents adopted me. That being said, I was 23 when it happened, so while it was this whole big Choctaw thing, it is in no way considered legal. No paperwork, nothing written down. I am still their daughter, but not as far as the government is concerned. So anyway, last year, my best friend/sister got dropped into the hospital. Was in the ER for a while, and I sat with her the whole time. The hospital stay was about 3 days. I stayed there and slept there, only leaving to go home, clean up, and go to work.
The hospital never blinked. Even when they briefly had her quarantined; even when they thought they might have to do surgery and remove her arm, I was allowed to stay. Granted, she called me her sister to the nurses, and that may be why, but it just surprised me that they allowed me to stay all that time when incidents like the one in the first post happen.
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Re: visitation rights

Post by MaineCaptain on Sat May 23, 2009 11:05 am

That is interesting SG, and I am so glad you got to be there for her.

You would think it would be encourage to have people who love you around regardless of DNA relationship. After all what really matters?, being loved.

Many people have blood relations that hate them and the ones who truly love them are not related by blood, but by soul.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by maya3 on Sat May 23, 2009 11:17 am

if someone is dying they should have the right to have whomever they want with them, even pets. If you are dying you have earned that privilege and thats that!

SG, the reason they did not say anything is probably because you are sisters. I think a lot of people are stopped because the hospital staff are homophobes plain and simple.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by MaineCaptain on Sat May 23, 2009 11:28 am

I agree with you Maya, even pets. I remeber when I was nearly 12, THe word nearly is key here I was like a month away from being 12. They would not allow me up to see a women friend of my Mothers.

Now at least they allow children to visit, but keeping away loved ones through hate and bigotry. I wish that was considered a sin. Funny how it is not.

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Re: visitation rights

Post by DotNotInOz on Mon May 25, 2009 2:07 pm

maya3 wrote:Ron,
It is absolutely discusting.

I think it happens more to gay people than straight. I have a feeling that a lot of straights do not have to prove that they are married.
And the fact that someone should have to prove something in that circumstance is horrible in itself.

Maya

I wouldn't count on it, Maya.

Some hospitals are so strict about enforcing medical privacy laws that you may have to prove you're married in some places.

Desk personnel at the hospital where my best friend died while I was at work several years ago couldn't even tell me she'd died when I got to the hospital and didn't find her in the ICU room where she'd been. They explained that all they could tell me was that I should contact a family member for information about her. They were unable to tell me anything beyond stating that she was no longer in the hospital.

Of course, I guessed that they meant she'd died, but for all I knew, her family might have had her transferred to another hospital. This was terribly upsetting as she'd been my best friend for 25 years. She was such a private person that her younger sister had asked me a few days before that if I knew who was my friend's doctor! Even though the sisters were fairly close, apparently my friend had never mentioned that.

So, all I could do was wait to hear from her sister. I hesitated to call or go by her house since I didn't know her that well, particularly in case she was busy calling relatives because my friend had died (which turned out to be the situation, I later learned.)

Privacy laws can really present problems in these situations.
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