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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by Beribee on Mon Oct 22, 2012 10:55 pm

All, does the hospital have a weekly parents meeting for all the parents of NICU babies? Our hospital did, and as much as I never thought I would go to something like that, it help me A LOT! Even if you're hesitant to go, your wife would probably benefit from it immeasurably. It helps to talk out your frustrations and fears with people who feel exactly the same way. Some days it really saved my sanity. Also, if you're not already doing so, take lots of pictures....you won't regret it, I promise! Very Happy

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:45 am

tmarie64 wrote:You don't have to tell us that, All. I'm thinking wonderful thoughts for you guys. I know your wife must be beside herself. I know I was when Charlie had her asthma attack. I kept it together because I knew she could hear me, even though she was unconscious. But, once she was alert and on that life flite, out of my view, I broke.
Keep hanging in, hun. He comes from tough stock, he'll win. Spoil him like crazy.

My wife is stressed. She has to go home and leave her baby. It's crazy.

Beribee wrote:All, does the hospital have a weekly parents meeting for all the parents of NICU babies? Our hospital did, and as much as I never thought I would go to something like that, it help me A LOT! Even if you're hesitant to go, your wife would probably benefit from it immeasurably. It helps to talk out your frustrations and fears with people who feel exactly the same way. Some days it really saved my sanity. Also, if you're not already doing so, take lots of pictures....you won't regret it, I promise! Very Happy

There is a parents meeting. My issue is that this is a very Christian area. I don't draw comfort from the same sources they do. In fact every I hear someone tell me some form of there being a "plan". I know they see it as a comfort, but it pisses me off that people that I know and care about would think that there was a plan that included both my brain surgery and recovery, and Calebs premature birth and subsequent struggle, and that it was a good thing!
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by Beribee on Mon Oct 29, 2012 11:48 pm

Well, All, I can honestly say that I don't remember any religious discussions of any kind. We had various religions represented, too. (I know this because we became friends with several of the parents outside of the parent group.) We really only talked about what was going on with our child and the joys and frustrations involved. The parents that have been there for awhile will help you....and once you've been there awhile, you'll help new parents. And it will help you to help others. Try it....if it's more religious that you're comfortable with, then don't go back. I can only tell you that my experience with it was very, very positive.

Also, do you have a counselor? In our hospital, every set of parents was assigned one.....mine actually pulled me back from the brink once (and I am eternally grateful, let me tell you). She answered tons of questions and was a huge help.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Tue Oct 30, 2012 9:14 am

I've never been much for counselors and support groups honestly. I either have this, or I don't. I've tried them a few time, but they really didn't do anything for me. I could speculate as to the reasons why this is, but it all comes down to the fact that I think my thought process is different enough that they can't reach me.

Really when it comes down to it, cultural Christianity is too much for me. These might be things that you don't even notice.
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by John T Mainer on Tue Oct 30, 2012 7:55 pm

There is no more dangerous time than when a new father is confronted with his helplessness to defend his child from danger in the form of medical issues. Never have the stakes been as high, or your ability to use your power as limited.

It is a humbling experience. I remember the watching my eldest in hospital as a baby, and I was borderline on sanity. Fatherhood is about growing beyond your own limits to become what your wife and children need you to be. It is as hard as it sounds.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is be the source of strength for others. Fake it until you make it; by playing the role, you do actually become as calm as you are pretending to be. It helps your wife, helps you make good choices for your child, and helps you. There will be time to let Fenris off leash for yourself, but not in front of your wife or child. Being a father is not about being inhuman, but sometimes you are expected to act the part in public.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by Beribee on Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:28 pm

allthegoodnamesweretaken wrote:I've never been much for counselors and support groups honestly. I either have this, or I don't. I've tried them a few time, but they really didn't do anything for me. I could speculate as to the reasons why this is, but it all comes down to the fact that I think my thought process is different enough that they can't reach me.

Really when it comes down to it, cultural Christianity is too much for me. These might be things that you don't even notice.

That is probably very true, All. Honestly, I was never much for counselors and support groups either. I will tell you, however, that the only reason my husband came initially was for my sake. I found that all I really needed was to talk out all the crap that was happening with people who knew the "lingo" and truly understood what I was talking about. I found it to be exhausting to explain to family and friends what was going on. Please understand that I'm not trying to push you into joining the parent group....I just want you to see the positive aspects of it before you decide whether or not to go. In any case, you know you can always come in here to talk stuff out. Does your wife have a similar outlet?

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:52 am

John T Mainer wrote:There is no more dangerous time than when a new father is confronted with his helplessness to defend his child from danger in the form of medical issues. Never have the stakes been as high, or your ability to use your power as limited.

It is a humbling experience. I remember the watching my eldest in hospital as a baby, and I was borderline on sanity. Fatherhood is about growing beyond your own limits to become what your wife and children need you to be. It is as hard as it sounds.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is be the source of strength for others. Fake it until you make it; by playing the role, you do actually become as calm as you are pretending to be. It helps your wife, helps you make good choices for your child, and helps you. There will be time to let Fenris off leash for yourself, but not in front of your wife or child. Being a father is not about being inhuman, but sometimes you are expected to act the part in public.

Gods he understands......

I will get to the gun range soon, in the meantime, I have felt what the ancestor must have described as the beserker rage. It is by the hair of my beard that I held on.

May the gods grant me the strenght.
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:54 am

Beribee wrote:
allthegoodnamesweretaken wrote:I've never been much for counselors and support groups honestly. I either have this, or I don't. I've tried them a few time, but they really didn't do anything for me. I could speculate as to the reasons why this is, but it all comes down to the fact that I think my thought process is different enough that they can't reach me.

Really when it comes down to it, cultural Christianity is too much for me. These might be things that you don't even notice.

That is probably very true, All. Honestly, I was never much for counselors and support groups either. I will tell you, however, that the only reason my husband came initially was for my sake. I found that all I really needed was to talk out all the crap that was happening with people who knew the "lingo" and truly understood what I was talking about. I found it to be exhausting to explain to family and friends what was going on. Please understand that I'm not trying to push you into joining the parent group....I just want you to see the positive aspects of it before you decide whether or not to go. In any case, you know you can always come in here to talk stuff out. Does your wife have a similar outlet?

She has her church.

I'm here for her for whatever that is worth.
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Wed Oct 31, 2012 3:02 am

tomorrow there is a crossroads. He has shown persistent signs of an infection. There has been a "pic" line in since birth. There has also been signs of a strep infection. I convinced them to wait another 24 hrs to do a spinal tap for menengitis and to take the pic line out to see if that resolves it. May the gods help that I made the right choice.

all
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by gillyflower on Wed Oct 31, 2012 8:25 am

I hope all goes well for him, bear. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by MaineCaptain on Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:32 pm

My thoughts and prayers with you and the family

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:43 pm

Taking the pic line out resolved it. CBC heading back toward normal.

We're very happy.
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by gillyflower on Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:44 pm

Oh, excellent! Wonderful news.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by sacrificialgoddess on Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:24 pm

Yay!

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by Davelaw on Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:37 pm

good, I was hoping to hear a good news update
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by MaineCaptain on Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:34 pm

YAY!!!! Smile

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by John T Mainer on Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:50 pm

The weird thing about them, is that they can go from terrifyingly fragile to terrifyingly active in a short span of time. Nothing bounces back like a wee bairn. Gods be with you and yours in the weeks to come.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by Beribee on Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:44 pm

Good call, All! cheers

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by MaineCaptain on Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:03 pm

I can hardly wait to hear, baby bear is home and causing all kind of wonderful mischief Smile

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by tmarie64 on Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:29 pm

Oh, my big bear friend! Life on the roller coaster called parenthood is only beginning for you. I can't wait to hear the first story of "I wanted to strangle my kid"... we ALL have them. LOL I'm sure your kiddo will be a little turd, and you're gonna wanna kill him. The smart ones are ALWAYS little turds at some point and make their parents contemplate murder. Smile

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:00 am

Got to hold my son for the first time yesterday.

Even when we get to those "I want to strangle him" points, I'm gonna try to remember that feeling.
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by gillyflower on Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:17 am

Oh All! I am so happy for you. It is an amazing feeling isn't it?

I hope no one will take this the wrong way, but when there are problems with wee ones parents are not as prone to taking children for granted after that. It is a wonderful lesson, at least it has been in my family, that greatly benefits everyone, child and parent.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:33 am

I understand.
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by tmarie64 on Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:21 pm

Yep, you'll remember these days and THAT is why you won't strangle him.

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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Post by allthegoodnamesweretaken on Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:47 pm

Yea! Tina came back!
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Re: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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