Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

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Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by Willowcreek70633 on Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:41 am

Well this past week, I had not 1 but 3 VA appointments to go to. The physical was a breeze, still I was, & have been, apprehensive since my injury with Army doctors, VA doctors, & the whole system that be! A full year of surgeons saying "No surgery"! And 1 apt with VA surgeon that said.... yes surgery? Make up my mind here! Gee that bit of bs actually took my breath away! Shocked This has been a long year 2011 with a lot of doctor appointments for this that or the other, plus "new things" seem to crop up, come up, show up, & it doesn't matter if I ignore these "new things" or let my hair down & digest that the news, tests, diagnosis is factual. As I said the physical shit I am "dealing" with...(as I glare at all of you, while smiling slightly).
Low & behold, apt #2 was with my counselor for me to stop smoking!!! Yes, I'm into trying to help myself! Imagine that...yes yes yes my smoking cessation class, is pretty good! I'm sort of following along with the 2 pack method, decreasing my cigar intake, but I'll be damned I am losing the stopping battle! LOL! But each day, I'm putting my best foot forward. My counselor noticed apt #3 & told me it was with a psychologist...& it was for another continuance concerning my compensation review board. We chatted & he told me, hey go see this guy, & get that part of it out of the way also.
I was summoned to the same clinic area for apt #3 this week! Hey again, my gosh, a little bit of apprehension, the wonderment of the whole system, the idea of WTF??? I have been HOME here in good ol Louisiana for a year & almost 2 months.. that's 14months in anyone's books isn't it? I wondered when I received the official, printed letter that I needed to go see a Dr So & So...at a clinic where I had just been 3 days prior getting a physical! As any good person that is tired & perplexed would say....Whatever!

Soooo, I did, I went (hell I HAD to)....it was an appointment, set courtesy of the VA & the Compensation Review Board. It started off great, we both wondered why I was there, he's an Italian from New Jersey. Me? Dago from Pittsburgh, we bonded, we laughed, & we sloshed through the beginning of this "appointment"! By the time I left 2 hours later, I found out that I have anxiety, & I am having problems readjusting, which is leading me down a deep road of depression. Hell what a blow to me, I thought (think) I'm a sort of happy gal! .....I tried to laugh it off, tell him he's full of shit, & really really deny that this stuff is happening to me. Well, his statements didn't waiver, & I'll be damned he "stayed the course".
The only thing I'm trying to "throw out" here, is the garbage of everything, except my spirituality....I wish & hope, & would like feed back on helping me "stay the course" with my spirituality. I find myself haplessly, hopelessly, soulfully, shutting down right now....I'm not drowning, I'm not truly lost, I do believe that I have, the past few days....paused to contemplate that...I just received a frontal attack on all of my fronts now (physically, mentally, & now spiritually).....physically & mentally I may have faltered, I may have changed course, maybe I have passed the flag to someone else more able bodied than me, but spiritually... I will not surrender, nor will I retreat.
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Re: Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by tmarie64 on Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:56 am

You are a WOMAN... You have a complaint.... You keep following up on said complaint, no matter what they throw at you... So, OF COURSE, you're "depressed"... And it's just a matter of time before they start throwing "anti depressants" at you. Women in the US are never taken seriously by doctors.
Two triage NURSES at Ft. Campbell nearly cost my mom her life because they "pooh poohed" her complaints and ignored them as (and I quote from the official record) "an old woman complaining, I thought, for attention". Both nurses were OUT of the army less than a year after mom's TRIPLE BY PASS surgery. Because what they ignored were symptoms that WOMEN (NOT men) have of heart problems.
Medicine is designed FOR men, and women are "emotional" and "depressed" when a doctor doesn't want to look into the real problems.
I'm glad you see he's full of shit. I've seen your comments and never got "depression" from what you have said. I've seen irritated and aggravated at the stupidity of those you're dealing with. But NEVER have I gotten the impression that you are depressed over this crap. Pissed off, yeah, but not depressed. Smile

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Re: Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by Willowcreek70633 on Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:33 pm

bounce A warrior in heart, & soul through & through....T Marie! bounce
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Re: Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by John T Mainer on Sun Feb 12, 2012 5:12 pm

The problem with warriors and psychologists is summed up pretty simply. They are not warriors, don't speak warrior, think what makes us warriors is a disease, think what price we pay for being warriors is a second disease, and think that our coping mechanisms are a third disease.

We in turn tend to look at them as spineless irrelevant whiners who would crap themselves while getting useful people killed if they ever had to deal with what the rest of us just called the business of the day.

I had a social worker ask me if I would prefer to talk to a male social worker and I laughed in her face. The problem, I explained, was that you were a social worker, not a soldier. The fact you lack a penis is the smallest and least significant barrier in communication. There is no difference between either gender of sea-cuccumber from an orca's point of view.

Willow, you are another orca. You may swim in the same sea as the sea cuccumber, but in no way do you share enough frame of reference to discuss your experiences living with the sights and sounds of the seas running red with a blind crawler of the sea ooze.

You get home, you unlock and deal with the boxes of crazy you locked away when you were doing what needed to be done. It takes years, it takes whatever coping strategies work for you, and yes it takes care that your crutches don't become crippling or self destructive ones. The last thing you need is some spineless dribbler telling you that you are a victim when what you are doing is healing from the price of victory.

Rant, rave, rage, laugh, live, and struggle through each day, carving a new normal for yourself as you bleed off the accumulated crazy of your service. Warriors accept the price we pay, and part of that is the huge gap that will ever separate us from those who have not walked for a season in the fire.

Be what you need to get through the day, and trust to your god to accept the pain of your service as a worthy offering, even as the peace of that connection acts as a compass to steer you back towards the channel of your civilian life. You are strong; strong enough to heal, strong enough to tear through your scars to reclaim the parts of you that you walled away because you needed to. Take your time, that is what the survivors receive in place of the glory our fallen receive.

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Re: Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by Southern Hick on Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:00 pm

Good evening ladies and gentlemen[smile].

I wish that there was something that I could do to help, dear lady.
Were we neighbors, I would bake and bring you an apple pie and sit and listen to you rant for as long as you desired, and then later if you so wished it, we could get some handguns[Unless you prefer rifles or shotguns. Ladies pick[wink,wink.].]go and shoot the Hell out of some targets that I made.

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Re: Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by Beribee on Mon Feb 13, 2012 12:50 am

(((((Willow))))) You are a survivor and a warrior and you WILL get through all this. Hang onto your spirituality with both hands and don't let go! And if you feel it wavering, get in here and let us know.....we'll help to get your head back on straight, if necessary! LOL

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Re: Asking for a little help/courtesy/respect/ from my friends!

Post by gillyflower on Mon Feb 13, 2012 8:25 am

Yes, you will get through it Willow. Keep us up to date on how you are doing. (((((hugs)))))))

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