Emotionaly Draining

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Emotionaly Draining

Post by Guest on Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:45 pm

The last few days have been very emotionaly draining for me. So much so that this last Thursday I couldn't even sleep dispite taking prescribed sleeping pills/medication. There were some people that came down here from Ariz to interview my brother & his wife & step-son, my wife & myself about how it was like when Michael was growing up. They also wanted more information about our father. What he was like, what it was like living with him, what hell we went through, et cetera. This of course brought up many memories that I don't like & didn't want to re-visit. They wanted also to know what Michael was like as a child & growing up. While some of you know a little about my background, this was much deeper. Facing my goests of the past. About all the evil from that time in my life. During some of the conversations I literally broke down & cried. About what my father did to me including but not limited to when I was raped by him. As well as the time we actually lived in a cave in 1955 & how my Mother, my Brothers Matt & Michael & I were homeless & living out of our car. There was much,much more. It took a day & a half to get through it all. Reliving the beatings, the pistol whippings, being shot at, being blamed twice by my father for his suicide attempts & much more. So I'm asking for healing prayers at this time. I'm hurting real bad right now. But there is a hopefully silver lining. They indicated that Michael will never be released again. That at a minimum he will get life without parole. But that would be up to the jury. He's facing the death penalty in Ariz. Funny how up untill all this with Michael I was very strongly pro death penalty. As long as it was in the abstrapt. But even though I think that he deserves the death penalty he's still my baby broth & I still love him. So I would rather see him get life without parole. Quite a connumdrum isn't it.

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Re: Emotionaly Draining

Post by TigersEyeDowsing on Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:45 am

(((Alex)))

Love and hugs your way.

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Re: Emotionaly Draining

Post by gillyflower on Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:59 am

I'm so sorry Alex. Good energy coming your way.

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Re: Emotionaly Draining

Post by John T Mainer on Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:31 am

Pain is like blood. Trapped in a wound it sours and festers, sapping your strength and preventing healing. To heal, you must let it bleed. Blood cleanses, pain cleanses. When the poison and the storm of conflicting emotions you have been holding inside has gone, what is left will be the dull ache of a clean wound, and the beginning of healing.

Family secrets kill. As long as it is secret it will ALWAYS have power over you. You have done the most important part, and shone a light in the dark places where secrets festered. You are tired now, and in pain, but now you can heal. Your brother will pay for his deeds because at the end of the day, both of you had enough pain in your past to be used to justify terrible acts, but one of you chose to indulge their demons, and one of you chose to conquor them.

It is OK to love someone who has done terrible things. The person who is worthy of your love is still in there, and once they have paid for their crimes, you will be free to love and remember that part, when the mosterous other has been made powerless.

I will ask my gods to send you strength, and ask your ancestors to show you how much honour you have earned in their eyes for your struggle.

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Re: Emotionaly Draining

Post by tmarie64 on Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:45 pm

I agree with John... You've released a very bad thing from your soul and now you focus on the love and light. I also agree that it is ok to love those who did terrible things, it it also ok and natural to hate the bad in them.

You're a great man and the good in you hates the bad in them. It's natural and I'm sending lots of love, prayers, and kind and soothing thoughts out for you, Alex.

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Re: Emotionaly Draining

Post by Guest on Wed Apr 20, 2011 6:59 pm

I don't know what happened last Thursday. It was like all of a sudden a dam burst & all the things I haven't wanted to re-visit nor come out did exactly that. The cascade of emotions was more than I colud handle. I was very surprised at the depths of my past that I had to face. Even now it's hard to put into words what I expierenced. I don't think I could've made it through without the support of PB&A. And knowing I always have this place of refuge.

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Re: Emotionaly Draining

Post by Beribee on Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:16 pm

((((Alex)))) Sending peaceful, happy and healing thoughts your way.....you'll be in my prayers.

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